Support

Advice for Spouses and Partners 

The wives, partners and significant others of men diagnosed with prostate cancer are typically very actively involved in the care of their partners and also in decision-making about treatment. “They have a very significant role and they are an important source of support for the patient,” says Dr. Sylvie Aubin, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist, who leads a support group for partners of men diagnosed with prostate cancer.

“They often keep track of medical information and treatment appointments and bear the responsibility for the patient’s happiness, such as making sure he is doing OK,” Dr. Aubin adds. “This is a big responsibility, and they take it willingly, but they need some support themselves.”  For example, she adds, the majority of people with a partner facing prostate cancer will face challenging emotional turmoil themselves, and are in need of support and strategies to help them cope.

Dr. Aubin says a support group can help the partners of men with prostate cancer learn how to deal with changes in their partners, which may include fluctuating moods, symptoms of depression and anger. “We help with strategies to deal with these changes,” she says. 

Wives of men with prostate cancer may also face issues such as a partner who is not following his doctor’s treatment recommendations, or the question of what to tell children and grandchildren about the illness.

And, of course, Dr. Aubin says, partners need to remember to take care of themselves, which includes dealing with their own fears and insecurities surrounding a husband’s cancer. They may find themselves experiencing “excessive worrying,” frustration, sadness, tiredness, and anger, Dr. Aubin says, as well as “a feeling that they are alone driving the boat.”

She adds, “They need to watch for signs that they are focusing too much on their partner’s well-being and neglecting themselves or other members of the family.”

A support group can help. Dr. Aubin’s support group, which is also for partners of men with testicular and bladder cancer, meets on the third Wednesday of the month, from 1 to 2 p.m., on the third floor of the SCCA clinic in room G3-100. For more information, contact Dr. Aubin via e-mail at saubin@u.washington.edu.

November 2006